Tanpa mu :')

Assalamualaikum semua!

So how is it going? Everything is fine right?

Hahahaha! So, today already my second day of fasting. 

All muslims will fasting on Ramadhan month 

:)

How sweet is that right?

This year 2015 ,

will be really different.

Okay, 

i dunno how to story but I'm trying ...

This fasting month, 

slightly different because there's someone missing

FOREVER !

:')

She is my

Grandma.

When i think about her, i'm crying.

Maybe because i'm missing her so bad.

and

maybe i'm the only one who didn't come to her funeral.

I'm faraway on that time.

Study abroad the ocean.

I can't make it if i take an emergency flight.

Why?

The airport also far away from my home.

It will take some times to arrive.

and

I bet most of my family are really busy T_T

Gambar lama ...

That's my grandma grave. But the photo was taken last year after 3 days she passed away.

New grave i didn't snap it because i feel so sad.

(Nak update kat blog pasal arwah pun aku nak nangis je)

I live with my grandma since i was kid.

and till i'm 17 y/o.

She was passed away last year after 6 days my twin brother birthday.

On that time, 

I was in Langkawi.

Still studying.

One night i got a phone call from my mom,

she said my grandma in hospital.

I was so surprised!

But, 

my mom said she just fine :')

The following night, i was so happy !

I dunno why.

The next day on Monday,

when rollcall, 

my warden told me that my grandma passed away.

My warden just like so heartless.

On that time i was like very shock!

I'm speechless.

I'm not crying.

I'm remain silent.

Then ,

I'm crying so badly!

Felt like gonna fall down.

So hurt!

On that time, i was thinking i wanna go home!

But, i got my flight ticket on Thursday.

So,

i stay at school till that day.

My grandma already sick since she was slipped in her bathroom.

First time she fall , 

my dad sent her to hospital.

Doctor says "She just fine."

But, you know right

we are getting older and older.

She already old.

But, i treat her the way she right.

I feed her everyday (when sem break)

I bathe her nearly every day (also sem break)

But,

i did all of that!

Why ?

Because i know that she already old. 

and she cannot capable to do that anymore.

So , is that wrong by doing that for her???

My hard year was 2014.

Pretty hard to explain how i was feel on that time.

Kinda tough!

Semua kenangan bersama arwah, takkan ku lupakan.

Walaupun ada pahit dan manis,

Hanya Allah yang tahu

betapa indahnya kehadiranmu itu.

Engkau telah mengajar erti kehidupan yang berwarna- warni.

Segalanya perlu kau telan seorang diri.

Mengapa itu berlaku?
Kerana kau seorang mak kepada anak- anak yang dah berkeluarga.

Dan kini,

kau ku panggil 'nenek'.

Aku cucu kau.

Sejak bayi,

kecil,

sehingga kini,

aku sudah dewasa!

Kau melihat aku membesar sehingga aku berumur 17 tahun.

Umur mu tidak panjang,

tapi cukup bagiku untuk mengenali mu !

Kau telah banyak mengajar aku!

Memasak,

Mengaji,

Solat,

dan banyak lagi.

Tak terkira semuanya!

Semua kenangan bersama nenek,

muncul satu per satu.

Itu yang telah membuatkan hatiku sayu!

Tanpa kehadiran mu kini,

Menjadikan ku insan yang lebih kuat!

Ingatlah,

semua yang hidup pasti mati!

Jadi,

ku relakan hati untuk redha atas pemergian mu.

Hajah Maznah binti Husin.

7/9/2014 (Ahad)

Semoga roh dicucuri Rahmat-Nya!

~ Al- fatihah ~

Setiap doaku ada untuk mu.

Hanya Allah tahu betapa sayangnya aku kepada mu.

Mak, adik sayangkan mak okay :')

Sukarelawan :)

Assalamualaikum,

Halo semua! Apa khabar? Very long time i didn't post anything on my blog. Maybe, i said 'maybe' some of you wanna read my blog. I didn't say all of you is gonna read my blog. Its nothing special with my blog.

Why, sukarelawan? Okay, actually I have my new ambition. Its just a really simple and really lack of person wanna be a volunteer (: Maybe I'm not a good person but I still like to help peoples. I am not really picking up person to help. I don't even care. That's what we called 'Volunteer' right?

So, if any of you wanna me to become a volunteer, I can do so. Just the problem is, I will be free on school holidays.. I'm so sorry. 

I know the volunteer means

"You will go whenever they need you"

but,

I'm really busy person.. because I'm still studying faraway from my home.

from Kuala Lumpur,

to Langkawi...

a lot of things I study when I need to be an independent girl !

I'm not really good in studying.

because of that,

I'm quit studying in High School.

I'm continue my study in Vocational College.

You may say I'm dumb,

but,

I don't give a shit (:

Why my ambition just a "VOLUNTEER" ?

there's must be a reason on anything I'm gonna do.

I will not doing anything useless.

That is my

PRINCIPE !

Don't be mad. 

I just wanna make you happy

when read my blog.

I know this blog is soooo old~

but,

This blog, give me a lot of memory.

So many!

Since I'm in Primary School (but not really update much),

but,

I do love post it when I'm in

Form 2 and 3...

On that time,

It was my happiest day to update always on my blog.

But,

everything is changed.

When,

I'm step-in to KV Langkawi.

You may say,

"Its not a big deal"

I no !

Just, I need a lot of time to post just A story.

I find it so hard.

Why?

I have no idea. 

I just really need a time for myself.

I didn't say I'm bored with my life,

just sometimes, 

we don't understand ourselves.

Right?

CRUSH + FALL IN LOVE = TOGETHER - BROKE UP = - ALONE

Do you ever think, when someone you love and maybe you crush on him, then you got him. You really adore everything he did. When he tells you his story, although the story he made up, you don't even care because you know your heart just for him. So, you just act like listening even its insane to believe. 

Then,

Even you stay with him about 2 years and almost 3 months, you still don't get it. Why he always made up a story to make you feel proud? Or maybe he just wanna make you jealous with his life? You don't even know his agenda. 

You can't continue your relationship with him. You decided to tell him the truth. You tell him "Can we be just friend?" and he said "That's what I want you to understand. I just wanna be friend for along time ago." You so sad because he never understand your feeling on him. Do you really feel bad about that? Yes/No? The answer is just on you.

After a half of the year, your best friend told you which is your EX already have his new girlfriend. You're not really shock just act cool. Maybe it's because you already don't care about him. You a tough girl! Then, you ask your friend "Who is his girlfriend? Must be pretty, right?" then your friend says "Not really. He find someone who's exactly like the old you. Must be he's just missing you I think." Seriously, you not happy to hear that.

You try to stalk on him. You rather unblock him from twitter just to check whether it is true or not. Terribly sad T_T You just feels like wanna cry. But, you just so strong! You read all of his conversation with his new girlfriend. "I will take care of you till we died" "I will bring you to Jannah" "I will be your Imam and you will be my makmum" That's what he said to his girlfriend. The same damn thing he said to you. You feel so hurt right now. He is lying to you. All of his promises just flying like a wind blow heavily and fly far far away~

Your feeling. You don't even know it yet. You wanna be sad? You wanna be happy? I think you will just ignore it. Your heart felt empty. Your heart for him just now you throw it away. You don't even know where it was. You so confused. You tell your friend about it. "Let it, maybe he just wanna make you jealous" You act cool with your friend.

And till now, you don't give a shit on him. But, you texted him. "All of the promises you made, simply easy you broke it?" he text you back "Don't even say so. You changed a lot!" you did not reply. Your heart have been crushed with a big truck. And your heart died peacefully with your old memories with him. Everything just changed so fast. Very fast. It is true when old people says "The time goes fast, darl. You need to catch it. Or else, it will fly away. You wasted it." 

You're not saying you're forgetting everything about him. You just can't forget all of the memories being together. Your hope is, go far away and not seeing him in real life.

Unfortunately, you are in the same damn class with him! You know that, all your classmates hate him a lot. You try to act cool like nothing f*cking sh*t is happening. You are cool. You are brave. You very patient. You are the best. Only yourself can fight with your own self ! #BETOUGH #GOODGIRL 

SO,

you just read one of a real story.

I'm not really sure you will like it or not.

Just enjoy it ~

So, back to the topic

not just being a volunteer for any event,

I also can be a very helpful person when you need a help.

I can help you right away,

if I can, I will help you.

if I can't, I will try my best with what I can.

-VOLUNTEER-
that's only my ambition for now.

Need any inquiries?

Just contact me on wechat or twitter.

Wechat - trillexein

Twitter - Wazyann

Thanks for being so supportive,

Sabrina J~