Its time to Change

 Assalamualaikum, hi.

Cepat betul masa berlalu. Tak ingat sejak bila tapi mungkin dah 2 tahun. Sometimes, kita tak sedar masa tu bergerak dengan pantas.

Bila kita terlalu risaukan sesuatu, kita cuma boleh tempuhi ikut peredaran masa. Sebenarnya agak takut tp itu la.. benda dah jadi.

Dalam otak ni aku rasa macam kosong. Tapi aku tak pasti apa aku rasa.

Adakah ini posting aku yg terakhir? Aku rasa macam agak heartless. 

Ayah datang dalam mimpi. Ayah senyum, gelak. Apa tanda-tanda ni? Sebelum tak pernah langsung mimpi ayah, tiba-tiba ayah datang dalam mimpi adik...

Al-fatihah.

Btw, right now aku terfikir akan ketakutan dalam alam perkerjaan.Risau tak dapat bagi yg terbaik. Aku kerja pun semua sekejap2 sbb takut nak pikul tanggungjawab. Lepas tu aku pun lari. Tapi semua orang cakap aku bagus buat kerja. Sedangkan aku rasa aku buat macam biasa je.

Aku tak pasti.

Aku harap sangat one day akan ada sinar harapan untuk aku.

Stay.

How eh orang boleh tukar phone setiap tahun? Aku nak tukar pun fikir banyak kali :) 

am i crazy? or just stress?

 

halo. im back. seriously i missed writing here. its like my personal diary on public LOL.

i dont mind because nobody knows me anyway. so, basically, aku ada aim yang cuba untuk kurangkan makan, but turns out aku lagi banyak makan. cuba untuk tak makan berat but aku makan cookies yg jauh lagi tinggi calories. 

so apa purpose kau tak makan berat tapi makan kuih? no point right. total calories pun lebih tinggi daripada makan 1 perfect meal.

ok sajer je la nak menulis and bercerita ttg apa yang aku rasa ni. lately rasa mcm penat sangat and penat ni bukan penat yang biasa tp penat yang jenis kau tak buat apa-apa. apakah? maybe semua orang tahu kot yang tak semua benda kita kena stress.. kita kena relax dan aturkan jadual hidup kita supaya kita ada life.

jap aku google.

daily routine life

well, aku search benda ni dan aku rasa make sense. and currently 5pm which is petang waktu riadah. kenapa kena riadah? bukan buat kerja? supaya ada Work Life Balance. sebab tu kau stress. always buat kerja. bila masa kau nak release stress dalam diri tu ?

• pagi - work
• petang - riadah
• malam - rehat

i think benda ni dah ajar since kita kecil lagi. but nowadays ada gadget, so waktu bila nak main gadget? BILA PERLU. gadget ni guna untuk kita berhubung je. not habiskan masa tgk video or sampai kau tak boleh buat kerja. ha gitu..

ok la sampai sini je. nak riadah. byeeee

MDD and BPD (Mental Illness)

Assalamualaikum

Hi.

Long time no see. Finally i graduated from UUM and i am still studying (ongoing).. 

Well, i just want to write something that bothering me. I am writing so if u read it, maksudnya i am sharing with u. Actually, i kind of exhausted with studying. I dont know if i can manage myself while working and studying at the same time.

maybe, i need to write what work i need to do. so, that i wont forget what i need to do and less social media.

lately, i am using my phone way too much due to social media such as tiktok. i am not using ig or twitter anymore because i want to slowly fade away from social media. 

on tiktok, i am still active because i am using it as affiliate so that i can gain extra income. but, if i am working soon, maybe i will seldom use it.

ok. so today is the last day of april month. next month MAY. i think like exhausted. but i am doing nothing. maybe i dont realize or remember what i did.

i think the only solution is WRITE.

Less social media. use it when i need to do something. i need to make sure i have my own life. focus on what i need to do. right now, i need to do asg... make sure my assignment can be done and i need to read for my quiz too.

this is just DPLI but i think mcm stress study mengalahkan degree. asal eh.

hot topic. 

mental illness. masalah otak. 

MDD - major depressive disorder

BPD - borderline personality disorder

well i happen to know someone that have this real mental illness. before this i only read on internet about it, and now i encounter this thing in real life. it is so crucial for YOU to become calm and stay CALM.

for u to have a serious relationship, u need to relax to handle your love one. this mental illness have cure but u need to stay strong through out the process. you need to always be a supportive person.

lets find some cure instead cause.

1. express/ respond to my intense emotions
2. distract myself
3. distract by contact with other people
4. comfort and take care of myself
5. ground myself and focus
6. Stay focus
7. relax and become calm

So, happened that one night, we have an argument and i can say the all day he like having a moody day. something that bothering him and i not sure what is it. we fight so bad and i asked for break up. he ok. and i provoke him that he is ego and never think about me. dont even love me at all. he is fake.

he agreed all i said.

and he start to punch his chest non stop. i worried bout it because it getting worst.

so, i stop him from doing it. and all the sudden, he like been possessed by ghost. sebab dia tak ingat pun apa jadi kat dia. masa kejadian tu, dia menjerit and cuba nak pukul diri dia lagi dan lagi. lepastu, dia genggam kuat-kuat kt besi katil untuk sakitkan tangan dia.

aku cuba tenangkan dia. amik masa juga. aku risau sbb masa tu macam main dengan pernafasan dia. nyawa orang. aku cuba buat dia tenang. istighfar dan selawat. dan ajar dia tarik nafas dalam2.

seram tengok dia. dan dia tak sedar langsung. aku minta maaf kat dia. and slowly dia settle down.

TIPS NAK BAGI ORG MENTAL TENANG

- SAY "AKU MINTA MAAF"

tapi ni valid untuk memang betul yg ada masalah mental la.. kalau kau fake, myb kau narcissist. hahaha

OKAY LA AKU NAK BACK TO WORK. BTW, I DONT KNOW MY FUTURE YET. I JUST FOLLOW WITH THE FLOW.

YA ALLAH BANTULAH HAMBA MU INI.

SEMOGA ALLAH MERAHMATI KITA.