So basically i am in the middle of doing assignment. however, i cannot focus doing it since i want to type it freely without any knowledge. only my thought. it is very hard for me to accept the real situation that i am missing him so much. only Allah knows how i feels.
this is not fun at all to know that one of your person who is the one that you can be so manja is gone forever. no more exist in this world. i have a very soft heart. i can easily cry if someone is yelling or mad on me.
i cried a lot. 2019 was my disaster year. 2021 still covid with us. eventho the name of corona virus is covid-19, but its actually very lucky my dad passed away first before this bullshit. vaccine? u got money then u will have a faster lane to get vaccinated.
am i hate with nowadays world? for real? yes i am mad. there is no longer terms 'stay happy' or 'just do it'. no matter how hard i am trying to be happy and do whatever i want, there will obstacles waiting for me. its not fun. i feel so hopeless. nothing can make me happy except if i let myself to be happy. crazy? no. its just me.
mentally exhausted to fight with inner me to keep on saying 'everything is gonna be ok'. in fact, its not. one by one so many things happen. unfair to have this kind of life. but i must stay grateful in whatever situation. i am not saying that i hate me. its me. i hate me. ok then.
i think i have a problem to let people to hurt me. i just cant imagine myself on others people eyes. i just see me. my mom who is struggling so much after dad passed away.
i think i need to continue my work. i will write a new post later. i hope to see you again reader.
bye
