Bila Rindu :D

Assalamualaikum,

and hello my friends.

lately, im quite busy dear. i got no time to update this blog. and, im rarely using english on my blog. maybe, to get the feel of reading with full of emotion. right?

so,

since my grandma passed away (almost 2 year), i can see my mom be a different person. sometimes, she feels lonely, act like tough but seriously damn hurt. i think, maybe she missed her late mom. but, what can i help? im a such as loser daughter. i got nothing to help her.

what can i say, just keep on reciting Al-Quran and prays for her. always be the best. and benda dah lepas. just lepaskan. kesian. takut arwah tak tenag kat sana. tahu kenapa arwah tak tenang? sebab, kita macam mengharapkan dia untuk datang balik. dia tak tenang kat sana, so please let it go (rasa sebak).

who says, aku tak sayang my grandma? whenever i remind her, it's make me crying! im still remember when she cook for me (form 2) before im going to school. she cook a simple dish. ikan goreng and kuah sikit. whatever kuah it should be fine. and now, i suddenly missed her sambal tumis! SubhanaAllah! its really delicious!

my mom is a teacher, so when im in secondary school, i was in evening season. my mom school have 2 season. so, when its come to me and my mom at the same season, my grandma always cook for me. she afraid that im not eating and i can't study well because of empty stomach. (what a kind a nice hearted)

most of people think and always act like "kalau nenek je mesti kejam and jahat, en?" nope. the definition is wrong. im not saying its totally wrong, just on my opinion, its based on how great your grandma are. don't just simply judging. right?

my grandma take care of me since my mom give birth on 5th January 1997. but the really sad thing is, my grandpa passed away after 3 days im exist. so, he just can see me for awhile. my mom said, my grandpa already sick for a long time. but, she never knew he will gone forever that time.

my grandma feed me and i know her well.. not really well, but i know that my grandma also have a hard time. she always crying for some reason. one of it, she missed her sons. hmmm.. her sons all grown up and not stay in KL. some of them at Perak, Pahang, Putrajaya and some more im not sure.

so, let's that words speak up. i know it can't say a word. but, act like it talking to you like that. most of you already know this quote, because it is a fact. kan? but why you keep on denying? it shouldn't be like that.

for me, my grandma is the real mom for me. why? because she can hide all of her feelings and keep it as her own secret by herself. im not sure if i'm following her way right now. i know that im a silent keeper but seriously, im gonna salute her. she keep it and remain secret till her last breathe :')

aku memang jenis kuat pendam. but, zaman sekarang ada banyak laman sosial yang boleh kita share untuk public readers. contoh mcam blog ni sendiri. kan? maksudnya, aku ni just silent keeper to human directly. but you will know the real me by reading this blog. sebab, banyak benda aku share kat blog.

my mom seriously don't know who i am. what i want to be. she's trying to be my friend, but i can't. maybe because the way she treat me is different like my grandma did.

im still remember, when my grandma teach me how to read Al-Quran. i was so little that time. she ask me to read with her when weekend. when im fighting with my mom, my grandma always cook for us. my dad that time so busy with his work. but, he will never get mad unless my mom keep on babbling.

a guy will have that limit of patience but when you hit his limit, its gonna be explode like a volcano! damn dangerous. im not kidding~

sometimes im thinking, why i got hit? im not playing too much when im kid. im just follow my brother to have a ride with his friends. and then i keep on studying. actually, im really boring of studying and keep on studying!

my childhoods not really awesome to be tell.. seriously, on my opinion, my mum keep on forcing me to study , study, study and study some more! whenever i feel bored, i will sit with my grandma and tell her "nina dah penat laa.. asyik belajar je.. otak pun letih.. hmm" my grandma just smile and said "takpe la. kalau penat minum air, rehat sekejap. *and smile*" itu la my grandma.

masa aku study, im not really study sebab my brain macam dah tepu. hahahaha... penat sangat la kot. the most struggling study when im in form 2. yaa form 2! not yet pmr but my mom ask me to study! hmm.. im so damn tired.

i have my tuition class almost 8 hours per week. common guys, if my school days is almost 8 hours per day, how can i study for another 8 hours?! hmmm... since i were in primary school, my mom teach me to study hard and always pushed me to keep on studying! she says "awak tu nak UPSR! kena dapat 5A!"

masa tu i mana la tahu UPSR tu apa.. so, i was like, "haihh.. penting la ni.. tu yang kena study jee" most of my childhood with BOOKS! but, im rejected that i hate book. i do loves book. but sometimes, not to read them, just to purchased it! *weirdo me*

okay aku dah merapu sampai kat childhood aku ... *tutup muka*

back to the topic,

so, bila aku terasa rindu kat seseorang, aku akan ingat balik kenangan aku dengan dia. pastu, aku akan sedekahkan al-fatihah dan sampaikan salam rindu melalui udara. *cewahhhh

but seriously, why im telling you all of this?

okay stop it.

suddenly otak aku freeze.

(maybe sebab minum sour plum blended) *yummm*

anyway, thanks for reading.

jasamu,

takkan dapat ku balas.

<3